May 11, 2009 @ 23:36

sometimes I wonder, what is the point of waking up the next day.

feels like a juggling trick I am doing, oai, el, debate, tution, school work. and school work is always the baton that gets dropped. not counting all the countless emotions, do you know what flits behind that cool mask you label as dao? do you hear the saddness in the laughter, or is everything to be taken at face level, at surface level?

I wonder, what more is there to go on for, to fight for, to live for. to live, to laugh and to love.

and even as I try to soothe, I find that I need to soothe my own wounds. those invisible slits that have been accumulated, that only hurt when all is over and done.

you go on and on about wanting to give up. and I wonder, if you really mean them, or are those just for spite?

I know your spirit is broken, but I can find no pity for you in me, when I think of how you broke so many others, including mine.

I had fun with el today, all the chick flicks. but it's farewell tomorrow. everything's ready, or pretty much so.

tomorrow, will I cry? because I dont know how to look at you and think of you the same way, because some part of me still disbelieves, and a part of me, hasnt allowed the fact that you guys will no longer be around to sink in.