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May 18, 2009 @ 19:17
we read this, during SELC. dont be fooled by me. dont be fooled by the face I wear. for I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that Im afraid to take off; none of them are me. I give you the impression that im secure, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water's calm and im in command, and that i need no one. but dont believe me. please. my surface may seem smooth...beneath I dwell in confusion, in fear, in aloneness, but I hide this. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed. that's why I frantically create a mood to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade to shield me from the glance that knows. but such a glance is my salvation. and i know it. it's the only thing that can assure me of acceptance and love. im afraid that you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh. to laugh would kill me. so, i play my game, with a facade of assurance without--and a trembling child within. and so my life becomes a front. i only chatter to you in the suave surface tones...i tell you everything's that nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me. for when i go into my routine do not be fooled by what im saying. please listen carefully to what im not saying. i dislike the superficial, phony game im playing. i'd like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me. you've got to hold out your hand even when it seems to be the last thing i seem to want or need. only you can call me into aliveness. each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings. i want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me, if you choose to. but it will not be easy for you. a long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. the nearer you approach me the blinder i strike back. it it irrational, but despite what the book says about man, i am irrational. i fight the very things i cry out for. but i am told that love is stronger than walls, and therein lies my hope. please try to beat down those walls, with gentle hands- for a child is very sensitive. who am i, you may wonder? i am someone you know very well. i am every man and woman you meet. certain sentences meant to me, but it was only those two, that really jumped out at me. because none of us can truly hold our heads up high, and say that we are truly, happy. because I've needed a ear and beacuse I'll stretch out my hand to you if you need it. but will you grab my hand tight? coz, it takes two to hug. |
protagonist Geraldine snow_ball1994@hotmail.com cedarian cedarELDDS;debator sec3ELfamilyofai! clique1H'07; 2H'08 Echo 2008 ; the ten of us, plus the four instructors <33 OAI 2009OAC mtnc! Fishball loves-PapaOwl! ♥ comfort is cold when it is offered by someone you dont care about happier times blogger- sept2007-feb2009 the livejournal- feb2009-april2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 May 2010 gone
Cedarians Arty Aqilah Archana Aliah Azri Cassandra Crystal Chandidni Deepa Deborah Estee Esther Enrica Grace Huda Hanan Hafizah Isabel Joy Jolene Jueying Joanne Jemima Jin Rong Leena Lingyi Michelle Maisarah Melody Mardianna Nadia Rebecca Saranya Samantha L Samantha T Suka Sherilyn Sharianty Sharianty Shandeep Shumin Siti Simphoni Syahirah Sharizah Tianqi Vicky Vanessa Vithiya Yiying Xinhui Yingzheng Zhihui Zheru Zeeee Church Addison Bingcong Caris Conz Chaowang Dorcas Hanwei Hanya Hongxun Jongchi Jeannie Jianwen Jie Ting Lydia Minhui Qinyi Qinqin Xinfei<3 Xinlei Yixun Coralites Aria Althea Benjamin Denise Darius Hazel Huaywen Hui Shan Joanne Jing Han Kellie Li Ying Nicholas Rachel Sheena Shermaine Tiara Wei Ling Yu Shan Bearbear LCCBS ELDDS EL Sec2s Familyofai! EL Sec3s Familyofai!livejournal cedardebate ECHO! credits you can remove this if you don't have a conscience. i assure you i will not hunt you down. skin by: Jane |